The White Lotus has given us many things: sprawling Sicilian vistas, chaotic marriages, Jennifer Coolidge in peak Jennifer Coolidge form, and the nagging promise that two poor souls won’t make it past checkout. But beyond the whodunnit tension and the crumbling dynamics of the ultra-wealthy, there’s another subplot quietly unspooling in those sunlit hotel bathrooms: the cast’s skincare.

Yes, the show is about power, money, and moral decay—but it’s also about face wash.

Because if you’re anything like me, the split-second shot of a bathroom counter is less set dressing and more crime scene. You pause. You squint. You zoom in. And suddenly you’ve unlocked the secret lives of characters not through dialogue or action, but through their moisturizers. Which brings us to Harper and Ethan, the seemingly stable couple played by Aubrey Plaza and Will Sharpe, who turn out to be carrying a very specific kind of baggage: a $700 skincare routine.

The Hotel Freebies

First, let’s give credit where it’s due. The White Lotus hotel doesn’t skimp on its amenities. Instead of the generic “mystery gel in a pump bottle” most resorts offer, they’ve stocked the rooms with Ortigia, a luxury Italian brand that screams, “Yes, this trip cost more than your rent.”

In Harper and Ethan’s room, you’ll spot Ortigia’s Room Essence Spray, hand soap, and shower gel—just in case you needed a reminder that even your free toiletries are probably worth more than your weeknight dinners. On the bougie spectrum, these land firmly at the top.

Ethan’s Routine: Bland but Functional

Now let’s pivot to Ethan. For someone married to a woman who double-cleanses, triple-tones, and has serums in rotation like Spotify playlists, Ethan’s skincare is…fine. Not offensive, not adventurous, just fine.

Here’s what was lined up on his side of the counter:

• Kiehl’s Cleanser
• Kiehl’s Facial Fuel Moisturizer
• Nivea Men’s Sensitive Shave Gel

That’s it. Three products. No SPF, no eye cream, not even a token exfoliant. Honestly, even my college roommate—who considered “splashing water on his face” a routine—had more range. Ethan’s picks land squarely in the “middle-class bougie” category: not drugstore cheap, but hardly imaginative. It feels like he typed “best men’s skincare” into Google and bought the top results. Functional? Sure. Personality-driven? Absolutely not.

If his marriage is falling apart, it’s not because of his cleanser—but it’s certainly not helping.

Harper’s Routine: A Clarins Enthusiast With Expensive Taste

Harper, however, is a different story. Her bathroom spread reads like the Top Shelf of someone who actually enjoys skincare, but maybe hasn’t quite hit her stride in choosing wisely. She’s loyal, indulgent, and very into Clarins.

Her lineup includes:

• Clarins Gentle Renewing Cleansing Mousse
• Clarins Hydrating Gentle Foaming Cleanser (yes, two cleansers…because one is never enough)
• Clarins Double Serum (a cult classic and for good reason—hydrating, plumping, glow-inducing)
• Clarins Hydra-Essentiel (the exact variant is a mystery, since all three jars look the same, but safe to say she’s stocked up)

So far, so very bougie. But Harper doesn’t stop there.

On the toner front, she’s juggling three:

• Erno Laszlo VTM Micro Essence
• Peach & Lily The Good Acids Toner
• MAC Prep + Prime (which may or may not double as a setting spray, depending on the day)

Add to that two MAC compacts, three Kiehl’s staples (Avocado Nourishing Hydration Mask, Avocado Eye Cream, and Midnight Recovery Concentrate), and you’ve got yourself a routine that’s two shelves away from max-level bougie.

The verdict? Harper clearly cares. She invests. But she’s also a little…all over the place. Expensive does not equal effective, and while she’s definitely hydrated and glowing, the lack of SPF is a crime punishable by fine lines.

The Bougie Scale

If we’re ranking them from “drugstore chic” to “Dyson Airwrap level indulgence,” here’s where the couple lands:

• Ethan: Smack in the middle. He’s bought-in enough to spend money, but too uninterested to think critically. His skincare is like his hotel behavior—polite, predictable, and just a little boring.
• Harper: Two clicks below the peak. She’s bougie, but she’s not quite in the realm of $500 serums or celebrity facialists on speed dial. With some guidance (say, Daphne sliding her a jar of The Cream or Vintner’s Daughter), she could easily ascend.

Skincare as Character Study

What makes this fun isn’t just the products themselves, but what they say about the characters. Ethan’s barebones routine mirrors his personality: careful, restrained, unwilling to take risks. Harper’s sprawling lineup reflects her complexity—invested, maybe a little neurotic, but undeniably thoughtful.

Neither of them is particularly savvy, but they are committed. And in a show where every detail is a clue, their bathrooms whisper plenty.

Final Thoughts

The White Lotus may be about betrayals, affairs, and mysterious deaths—but sometimes the juiciest storytelling is hiding on a bathroom counter. Ethan and Harper’s $700 skincare stash is less about beauty and more about who they are: two people navigating luxury, insecurity, and their own reflection.

Would Daphne have convinced Harper to upgrade? Would Ethan ever dare to add an eye cream? Sadly, those questions may never be answered. What we do know is this: in Sicily, even your toners are telling a story.